Don't say 'please'.
Don't say 'sorry'.
Do say 'thank you'.
In my early years parents held 'good manners' as the most important.
"Remember your manners."
" Say please and thank you"
"Say 'sorry' almost all the time.
When going to grandma's or to friends places it would be the way to show we were being brought up with proper values.
Two of these words are overrated!
Child. "Can I have an ice cream?"
Adult. "No."
Child. "Pleeease." (Has the child learnt that this will get him the ice cream.)
Adult. "Pick up those toys now .....please." (The 'please' weakens the request.)
Adult "I'm sorrrry but you must come inside now." (The 'sorry' weakens the reguest.)
"It's time now for the toys to go in the box." ( No one loses face.)
I challenged one of our student teachers to delete 'please and thank you' from her vocabulary.
She challenged me back with "What about 'Please pass me the salt'."?
Is the word 'please' derived from 'to plead'.?
I think no one should plead.
I think we can speak to each other respectfully in other ways.
"Would you kindly pass the salt."
We should however thank others for their kindnesses.
This is respectful, shows aroha and strengthens the sense of whanaungatanga in the centre.
But that is another topic for next time.
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2 comments:
Hi Christine
I found your comments thoughtful and provoking. I too try not to use please when giving a request - I feel 'please' gives the person an opportunity to say 'no thanks' so if this wasn't one of the options I shouldn't offer it! perhaps rather "I need you to....". I must say the 'sorry' comment was a new idea for me, and think how I might say "I'm sorry, but..." mmm will need to think about other ways - any ideas?
Keep up the great provocations - I love the challenges you present
Amanda
Hi Amanda,
Have you read the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk." Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish?
This has given me and colleagues and parents important guidelines with our words.
Some phrases that I use are:
"The toys belong in the box."
"It's time for bed."
"What can you see that could be put away?"
As always, all people should save face.
Christine
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